SO THERE WE ARE
so… gave it a run. didnt turn out as planned, but what does?
I thought that i had done all my figuring out … my time to find what i wanted.
I did my “buck wild thing” and thought i learned alot about myself the truth is i really didnt learn anything.
*NOTHING*
I learned more about my self over the past 4 months than i ever have. I dated my best friend, truely and honestly someone who knew more about me than anyone else … someone i could freely talk to about whatever it was i was goin through. she could even call me out when i was bullshiting myself.
I really fucked it over by being the person that caused her to hurt, the last person in the world that i wanted to bring down.
I absolutley positively want to keep her in mylife no matter what title we have; best friends, dating, or engaged. i do not want to have the same thing happen to many other people i know where they drift apart because they dont know how to interact with someone they previously had a relationship with.
I’ma try and do my part … suck up my hurt
I just hope my horse shoes haven’t run out quite yet and i can land on my feet this time. with this sich with Sam and figuring out my driving record … (another HUGE fuck up)
Its really been a month of ups and downs
I just said good bye to peter for another period of time, I pray that he stays safe and healthy.
I would really appreciate a hand with all this, Im feeling terribly overwhelmed to say the least and I could really use someone telling me its gonna be alright.
That was you a year ago…
“God never gives us more than we can handle” is what you said alot when i was going through exams and getting the house ready to sell and whenever i wasnt feeling so good. I know its true but its testing my limits and i’ve never felt so alone, I know this whole thing is effecting me deeply and that im not myself … im trying so hard to smile and put everything outa my head … focus on the good and all of that.
I feel so fake, Jackies mom even saw right through me and asked me why i wasnt happy… she is a great person jackie and kelly are lucky to have someone like that in there lives, esspecially jackie shes deffinetly goin through alot right now
next time … im gonna start on the right foot. I really wish i had actually learned something before we started dating because i know that i’m the reason why it didnt work out and i am deeply sorry about that
next time:
Driving
- no matter what, even if plans change …. not gonna drive if i’ve been drinking
- slow the fuck down. whats the rush?
- (most important) do i really want the parents of my passenger to go to a funneral?
Dating
- cheating is unexceptable. period. just breakup with them if your looking elsewhere
- slow the fuck down. haha!
- (most important) gota set out my priorities and what i want before i can expect someone to figure out if im what they want.
I’m really broken right now and I’m really hurting
But more than anything Im really sorry … I would have done it completly different
